I don't feel it would be appropriate to announce my intentions to court Jennifer Steinbrenner Swindal until her divorce is final. So I am not going to.
That's why the blog. But where are my manners. Let me introduce myself, on the odd chance that you, dear reader, are not my mother, but instead some wayward googler looking for a good martini recipe.
I never find it easy to describe myself from scratch. I find that the best way to really get to know somebody is by way of those e-mails that ask you a whole bunch of questions and you're supposed to forward them to 10 people or you'll be dead by midnight. Impending doom is a great motivator for descripitive narrative. So, following is a questionaire I filled out in 2005. Pretty much nothing has happened to me since then, so I think it stands up pretty well.
Subject: Getting to Know You - 2005
Welcome to the Spring 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, if you did not know them already!
1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE
WOULD IT BE?
Oh, man... I am so far behind. I haven't even built my FIRST house yet. Should I answer where I would build my first house, or where I would build my second house after the first one was built. Does this survey come with a manual? I would build the second house right next to the first one, then attach them to make one HUGE house.
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
When your job's dress code is boxer shorts and a bathrobe, you kind of lose a sense of "favorite clothing." There's nothing like the feeling of clean, white tube socks... but I think I'll go with my Cubs hat.
3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Do people still buy CDs? I thought this survey was written in 2005. The last album I downloaded was "Lounge Against the Machine" by Richard Cheese.
4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I can't remember that far back. What time is it now?
5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
That I have, or that I would LIKE to have? I like my gas oven, but I miss having a good garbage disposal...
6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT
BE?
This question implies that I don't already play an instrument. And, since I don't, I'll go with piano.
7. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
I really don't like cars. I wish I didn't have to own one. I'd just as soon walk, or take the subway. If I have to pick a car, I'll take a cab.
8. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?
This is a pretty big leap from picking a kitchen appliance. I believe in after HOURS... does that count? If there is an after life, I hope its a lot less expensive.
9. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
"Twelfth Night" by Shakespeare, followed by Plato's Republic. (Wasn't there a children's book about an elephant named "Babar?")
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
In New England there are so many to choose from. We had three today. I'll go with baseball season.
11. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
Right now, I think there's a beach chair, golf clubs, a baseball bag, some leaves and dirt, a couple of video tapes, jumper cables, a spare tire, a jack, and John Irving.
12. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
As Joey from Friends replied when asked to choose between jam on the one hand and the blonde from the bank on the other: "Put your hands together!"
13. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
In reply to this, I'm guessing my closest friends will probably get together for "an intervention." Or, maybe they won't.
14. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Susie Kolber. I write and I write, and she NEVER responds... just her lawyer, that one time.
15. WHOM DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Eric Enders, one of the top ten most brilliant people I know.
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
The Mayflower.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I gotta go with Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate Therapy." By virtue of my saying that, B&J will stop making that flavor within a month. (2007 note: Ben and Jerry's has stopped making "Chocolate Therapy." I refuse to disclose my favorite ice cream flavors anymore. This happens far too frequently for it to be a coincidence.)
18. BUTTER, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
Load it up! I kind of like that kettle corn, too. Mmm. Kettle corn.
19. FAVORITE COLOR?
Plaid. Almost any plaid.
20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
What is all this fascination with cars? I usually try to drive a Porsche, but sometimes the owner is watching...
21. FAVORITE SANDWICH?
Chicken Dilemma. It's the name that draws me in.
22. WHAT MOVIE HAVE YOU WATCHED MORE TIMES THAN ANY OTHER?
I'm a video producer. All I do is watch movies. Yeesh. Probably "Critical Issues in Construction Defects Litigation." But I really like "Field of Dreams" and "Swingers."
23. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Beautiful downtown Poughkeepsie, NY.
24. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
If I have to answer this, you don't know me at all.
25. NAME OF THE FIRST PERSON YOU KISSED?
I was just a baby at the time, so I don't remember exactly, but I'm guessing it was my mom.
26. SILVER OR GOLD?
I'm still trying to work my way up from copper.
27. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Bombay martini, dry, straight up, with a twist. Or any good single malt.
28. THUNDER STORMS, LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM?
Home -- love them. Golf course -- not so much.
29. CATS OR DOGS?
What, to eat? I enjoy the independence and low maintenance quality of cats. Plus, there are few things more entertaining to watch than a good cat fight.
30. GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
I can't remember where I set the glass down, but it's probably empty and I'm sure I still owe somebody for the glass before that one.
Welcome to the Spring 2005 edition of getting to know your friends. What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, if you did not know them already!
1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE
WOULD IT BE?
Oh, man... I am so far behind. I haven't even built my FIRST house yet. Should I answer where I would build my first house, or where I would build my second house after the first one was built. Does this survey come with a manual? I would build the second house right next to the first one, then attach them to make one HUGE house.
2. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
When your job's dress code is boxer shorts and a bathrobe, you kind of lose a sense of "favorite clothing." There's nothing like the feeling of clean, white tube socks... but I think I'll go with my Cubs hat.
3. THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
Do people still buy CDs? I thought this survey was written in 2005. The last album I downloaded was "Lounge Against the Machine" by Richard Cheese.
4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
I can't remember that far back. What time is it now?
5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
That I have, or that I would LIKE to have? I like my gas oven, but I miss having a good garbage disposal...
6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT
BE?
This question implies that I don't already play an instrument. And, since I don't, I'll go with piano.
7. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
I really don't like cars. I wish I didn't have to own one. I'd just as soon walk, or take the subway. If I have to pick a car, I'll take a cab.
8. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTER LIFE?
This is a pretty big leap from picking a kitchen appliance. I believe in after HOURS... does that count? If there is an after life, I hope its a lot less expensive.
9. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
"Twelfth Night" by Shakespeare, followed by Plato's Republic. (Wasn't there a children's book about an elephant named "Babar?")
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
In New England there are so many to choose from. We had three today. I'll go with baseball season.
11. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
Right now, I think there's a beach chair, golf clubs, a baseball bag, some leaves and dirt, a couple of video tapes, jumper cables, a spare tire, a jack, and John Irving.
12. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
As Joey from Friends replied when asked to choose between jam on the one hand and the blonde from the bank on the other: "Put your hands together!"
13. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
In reply to this, I'm guessing my closest friends will probably get together for "an intervention." Or, maybe they won't.
14. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Susie Kolber. I write and I write, and she NEVER responds... just her lawyer, that one time.
15. WHOM DID YOU RECEIVE THIS FROM?
Eric Enders, one of the top ten most brilliant people I know.
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
The Mayflower.
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I gotta go with Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate Therapy." By virtue of my saying that, B&J will stop making that flavor within a month. (2007 note: Ben and Jerry's has stopped making "Chocolate Therapy." I refuse to disclose my favorite ice cream flavors anymore. This happens far too frequently for it to be a coincidence.)
18. BUTTER, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN?
Load it up! I kind of like that kettle corn, too. Mmm. Kettle corn.
19. FAVORITE COLOR?
Plaid. Almost any plaid.
20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE?
What is all this fascination with cars? I usually try to drive a Porsche, but sometimes the owner is watching...
21. FAVORITE SANDWICH?
Chicken Dilemma. It's the name that draws me in.
22. WHAT MOVIE HAVE YOU WATCHED MORE TIMES THAN ANY OTHER?
I'm a video producer. All I do is watch movies. Yeesh. Probably "Critical Issues in Construction Defects Litigation." But I really like "Field of Dreams" and "Swingers."
23. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Beautiful downtown Poughkeepsie, NY.
24. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
If I have to answer this, you don't know me at all.
25. NAME OF THE FIRST PERSON YOU KISSED?
I was just a baby at the time, so I don't remember exactly, but I'm guessing it was my mom.
26. SILVER OR GOLD?
I'm still trying to work my way up from copper.
27. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Bombay martini, dry, straight up, with a twist. Or any good single malt.
28. THUNDER STORMS, LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM?
Home -- love them. Golf course -- not so much.
29. CATS OR DOGS?
What, to eat? I enjoy the independence and low maintenance quality of cats. Plus, there are few things more entertaining to watch than a good cat fight.
30. GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
I can't remember where I set the glass down, but it's probably empty and I'm sure I still owe somebody for the glass before that one.
Well, there you go. My favorite question was #15 -- the people who made this thing up had to work so hard at figuring out the who/whom situation, they left their preposition dangling.
Alright, your turn. Tell me something about you. To help you out, I'll prompt you: what's your favorite thing about me. Please try to keep it to under 60,000 words. Thanks.
Alright, your turn. Tell me something about you. To help you out, I'll prompt you: what's your favorite thing about me. Please try to keep it to under 60,000 words. Thanks.
Recent Comments
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yerfatma said:
I miss a garbage disposal as well. Haven't had one for two or three places now. Of course, you said... read more
on I just can't get enough of me.
How long are you gonna roll with no new content? America turns the page. I was at least hoping for... read more
on I just can't get enough of me.